Stay In This

I began last year by cleaning out my spare bedroom, preparing for my sister to come and live with me for three months. As I pulled books off shelves and clothes out of closets, the Lord impressed on me that 2011 would be the year of "Empty." And so I set out to see what would come of it.

Early on, emptying my life became like a resolution, and I lopped off activities and obligations and possessions like I was really making it happen. I observed my life and the world through the lens of "empty" and saw that I could declutter my home, my inbox, my calendar and feel fuller on the inside, doing things that were a priority instead of wasting my time on what was filling my space and time.

Throughout the year, I wrote about this process of emptying, of being empty. Throughout the year until July, that is. As I looked back through my posts, I haven't written one time since July about being empty.

Not once since my life actually was emptied by my cancer recurrence have I thought about the word, "empty."

Week 4, Day 7: Expecting a Baby

One evening this week as I was driving through town, I passed a church with a giant banner out in their yard that said, "We're expecting a baby!"

I was in a hurry, so I didn't get a good look at the sign other than those four giant words. As I slowed at the stop light just around the corner, I wondered who in the church was important enough that the whole church was anticipating their baby. Maybe the pastor? We would never put a sign like that out at our church.

As the light turned green, and I sped away, it hit me. "Aaaahhh!" I said out loud. It's Jesus. They are expecting baby Jesus.

Week 4, Day 4: Dancing in the Shadows

I light candles every day now.

When I was standing in the party store looking for inspiration for Advent a few weeks ago, I had a hunch that lighting a candle every day, not just Sundays, would be a way for me to bring a new edge to the ancient tradition of this season.

But each day as I stand with lighter in hand and bring fire to wick over and over - a new candle added every day - I marvel at the little amount of time it takes to light the world by the work of my hand.

Week 4, Day 3: Do

 Wake

Feed

Brush

Medicate

Eat

Analyze

Enter

Suggest

Research

Give

Fume

Drive

Talk

Wrap

Play

Listen

Sing

Write

Party!

Receive

Bless

Hope

Read

Think

Pray

Sleep

::

Now, your turn. Read:

Mary Joy Pershing's The Yes that Changed Everything

Anna Blanch's Ambivalent Anticipation

Faith Squared's Virtual Advent Calendar

Katie Sciba's The Dark Side

Photo by .thana✌, via Flickr, used with permission under the Creative Commons License.

Week 4, Day 2: Unimportant Things

Saturday morning I was hurrying around the house trying to get the laundry done and the bathrooms cleaned after having stayed in bed a couple of extra hours. I wasn't feeling well, and I had had a very busy week. The extra hours of rest were needed. But the house needed cleaned, too. And I wanted to go to the gym to swim, and I had plans for the evening to go our for dinner and a movie with friends.

It had started out so peaceful, but now the day was barreling ahead.

With the washer and dryer going and the sheets on the bed changed, I found myself standing in front of the sink washing dishes. The same dishes I've washed hundreds of times standing there at the sink. I thought of my friend's new dishwasher and imagined having one of my own. Then, I would never have to stand there wasting time.

Fourth Sunday of Advent

Purify our conscience, Almighty God, by your daily visitation,

that your Son Jesus Christ, at his coming, may find in us a

mansion prepared for himself; who lives and reigns with you,

in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever.

--from The Book of Common Prayer

Week 3, Day 7: Ember Days

Wet and muddy, contained within the wooden raised boxes, my garden rests as the December temperatures rise and fall in a downward trajectory.  The tomatoes that fell there, the seeds that never germinated last spring, leaves that fell from the trees, grass clippings that sprang from the lawn mower -- all mingle in the dirt, decomposing when the temperatures rise above freezing. 

When the mercury dips, the surface of the garden lies suspended, frozen, longing for the warmth and activity that lies deep, deep down.

I don't think much about what goes on out there during the dark days of winter. Exiled by the chill in the air, I spend my days in the house, in the office, in the car - in - with little thought for outside. Unless the sun shines especially bright one day, or the air grows warm enough to allow me to walk around without a coat, I am far away from seeds and soil, the sun and sky.

Week 3, Day 4: Game On

Best Buy, the nationwide big box electronics store, is raising some ire this year with their "Game On, Santa," ad campaign. In this series of ads, moms are seen raking in deals on electronics when the store clerk mentions, "Guess Santa has some competition this year." The next thing you know, the moms in each of the ads is seen taunting Santa, knocking the toy Santa off the roof, pointing at the dog as if Santa is fit only to fill the canine stocking, or other mean-spirited gestures.

I understand Best Buy's strategy here. In a sense, they are saying, "We know that moms don't get the credit they deserve at Christmas, having to pretend Santa is the one bringing the big gift." And just in case the wee little ones are watching, they even have the jolly ole guy make an appearance to validate his existence. They didn't want moms to have any explaining to do.

So, if Best Buy is trying to give props to moms, why in the world are all of them so outraged?

Week 3, Day 3: Seeing with Knowledge

For the shepherds in the field that night, the call to go and see was immediate. The adrenaline and emotion of the angelic visit propelled them off the hill and down into Bethlehem, to a family huddled together in a stable around a newborn. For the shepherds, just a few miles run from the Messiah, seeing was believing.

For the Magi from the East, though, this trip to see Jesus was no last-minute, drop-everything-and-run kind of pilgrimage. These mystical astrologers with roots in the ancient civilizations had been looking for the King of the Jews for centuries. As scholars of ancient texts, they knew the Hebrew prophecies. When the star appeared, the star like no other, they knew exactly what had happened: the king was born.

For the Magi, seeing with knowledge meant an unusual star became a royal signpost, marking the way for these Eastern philosophers to embark on a journey of a lifetime.

Week 3, Day 2: Lead Me to Bethlehem (Writing Project Wrap-Up)

As I read Kimberlee Conway Ireton's post, The Road to Bethlehem, I felt like I was sitting in the circle with her and her friends Julie and Julia and Carol, tracing the path to the manger from the prophets to the shepherds to the wise men.

They sat in the circle in silence for a while, contemplating this rich scene in Bethlehem where so many people and ideas and angels converged.

Another moment of silence, so quiet, so rich, and then Carol speaks, wonder lacing her voice. “Seeing the figures gathered there, around the baby – it reminds me of the story of the banquet, when people come from east and west and north and south, to gather at the table of the Lord.”

I think of the stained-glass window I saw in Chartes when I was pregnant with Jack, how the baby Jesus lay not in a manger but on a table, an altar. And I think of that word manger. In French, it means “to eat.” This baby is our food, as He will one day declare to His disciples. “My body,” He will say, “my blood. Take and eat. It is for you.”

It is all here, in this story, the whole Gospel.

Third Sunday of Advent

Stir up your power, O Lord, and with great might come

among us; and, because we are sorely hindered by our sins,

let your bountiful grace and mercy speedily help and deliver

us; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom, with you and

the Holy Spirit, be honor and glory, now and for ever. Amen.

-- from the Book of Common Prayer

Week 2, Day 6: Quiet Spirit

"In dark times, we fall back on those practices that a lifetime of practice has taught us. When words fail or fail to come, meaning and comfort spring from the most ordinary, elemental means: our work, small observances. This is the quiet spirit of Advent." -- Julia Spicher Kasdorf

::

It's a busy start to a busy weekend. I've run home just to leave again in a few minutes, and Tilly is desperate for some play time now that she's out of the crate. So, tonight, I leave you with this beautiful piece on theHighCalling.org - Two Pies Lighter. Go there right now - it will help you through this busy time.

And for other Advent reading today, a few more of the posts in the High Calling Advent Writing Project:

• Patricia Hunter's A broken journey . . .
• Katie's Mountain Sun
• Julie Little's Mother of God

Week 2, Day 5: Swimming

As I walked into the three and a half foot water, I shivered just a bit. Though the salt-water pool is heated, it's not exactly the temperature of my body.

I was heading to the center lane, so I dropped beneath the surface of the water, propelled myself under the lane marker, then came up shaking my arms and legs, warming up the muscles, then stretching them long and limber.

My ears were sticking out from my new white swim cap; did I have it on right? The goggles tight across my face were a miracle for seeing under water. And not just avoiding the irritation of the salt and chemicals, but really seeing.

Week 2, Day 4: Nothing

Writing these personal reflections about Advent each day has become more than just a writing exercise. By now, it is more like a spiritual discipline, an act of faith that when I sit down to write each day that Jesus will have done something in my life and I will have the spiritual eyes to see it.

Some days, what to write about is literally right in front of me - like the day I opened my blinds to see the first snow. Other times, I observe my friends, or even my own life, and think about the experiences for a few days, determining what the Lord might have for me. 

Some days, I've got nothing.

Week 2, Day 3: He Waits with Us

This past weekend was busy with activity, some of it holiday-related - Christmas open houses and Christmas parties - some of it was just normal busyness - visiting an art exhibition, shopping, lunch with friends.

But despite the otherwise hectic schedule, Sunday afternoon and evening was completely free. It happened accidentally, if you must know. Before I could get tickets for a Christmas concert at my church, they all sold out. So even though most of my friends were attending, I wasn't.

And by the end of a busy Saturday, I had looked ahead to Sunday with relief.

Week 2, Day 2: Now What?

At holiday parties over the weekend, I saw some friends I hadn't seen in a while.

Even as we were catching up, talking about work and family and church activities, I knew the dreaded question would come. It's always well-meaning, and it always makes me feel cared for. But my answer never satisfies anyone. Including myself.

"So, you're doing great. Now what?" they always say, wanting, like me, for there to be a pill to take or a test to run or a diet to adjust to - anything - that will make the cancer stay away for good.

Second Sunday of Advent

Merciful God, who sent your messengers the prophets to

preach repentance and prepare the way for our salvation:

Give us grace to heed their warnings and forsake our sins,

that we may greet with joy the coming of Jesus Christ our

Redeemer; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy

Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

-- from the Book of Common Prayer

Week 1, Day 7: Light

The first week of Advent is ending with the light fading in the evening sky.

The days grow shorter now, and the light hours seem fewer and fewer.

Week 1, Day 6: Waiting Interrupted

I ran hot water in the kitchen sink and filled it up all sudsy and clean until I began to stack in the greasy plates and mugs with hot cocoa stuck in the bottom. The dirty dishes had been accumulating all week while I've been singing carols and lighting candles and writing about this season of anticipation.

While I've been waiting on the Christ child, the mess in the kitchen has been waiting on me.

But it's not just the kitchen.

Week 1, Day 5: Sleep

Four little flames are all aflicker in my Advent candle arrangement this evening.

I didn't realize when I hatched the idea of lighting a candle every day of Advent, that I might actually be able to relight the previous night's candles so that on Saturday of each week, seven candles, then 14, then 21, and then 28 will be lit. I didn't think there would be enough wax in those first candles to light them night after night after night. Mostly because I failed to account for how busy I would be during this season. 

By the time I actually light the candles, they burn for just a few minutes before it's time to blow them out and head to bed.